Resonate
by ElectricFlowerChildren
Summary: But war is no time to fall in love. I knew this as clearly as I knew that I would do it anyway...and I would do it with you. Dramione with a spoonful of angst.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Not mine, not mine, not mine. **

I met you in a time of war, but was there really any other time? It's been the war to end all wars, a war of lost causes and unstoppable motions. Through all of the logic roaming around in my mind, I myself cannot make sense of this war any more.

You came into the room, a whirl of black cape and your wand raised into the air. We were quick to protect ourselves, rising immediately and holding our wands to your throat.

"Hey. Let's be reasonable." You said. You slowly put your wand on the ground and put your hands in the air.

"What do you want, _Malfoy?"_ spat out Ron and you sneered.

And then an amazing thing happened. You smiled.

"I want to join your team."

My wand was in your gut immediately. You didn't move, didn't attempt to stop me.

"It's a trap." I heard myself say. An accusation.

Harry moved around me and put his hand over mine. Gently he lowered my arm and took my wand.

"Hermione, it's not."

"How do you know?"

"Because I knew he was coming."

There was an audible gasp-a group thing, and we spun around to face him. Which was when Harry began to explain the whole thing, the yearlong letters and meetings that had gone on between you two in secret. Every piece of information that we had gotten about "the other side", had come from you. You had been our secret spy, and now you were here.

"I don't believe it." Lavender, with her curly brown hair spiraling down her back, clinking bracelets and tight pants, shoved her wand back into your throat.

But you were calm. You remained very still, looking at all of us, even me. It enflamed me, the scar on my arm screaming at you: _Mudblood!_

"I'll do whatever you need." You assured us.

But none of us, except for Harry believed you. He welcomed you into our home, the little shelter that we had found on the side of New Zealand two years ago. But I couldn't sleep knowing you were so close. My blood boiled and I felt this unprecedented anger towards you that I had never been able to summon up before in my life.

My eyes barely shut when you were waking me up. Instinctively I reached for my wand and stood.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded.

"Calm down, Hermione. I made breakfast."

"_What_ did you just call me?" I hissed.

"Hermione. You know…your name? Come and get breakfast in the kitchen, but be quiet. No one is awake yet and we have a lot to talk about."

You left the room, shutting the door behind you gently. I breathed heavily, looking around my room for something to throw, break or smash-anything to keep me from cursing you out of my life, once and for all.

Instead I picked up my sweater from the ground and pulled it over my head. It was a cold January; the coldest we had faced here in the war so far. I allowed myself to walk into the kitchen where you were taking a teakettle off the stove. You, Malfoy, were touching a Muggle thing in a Muggle home.

"I assume Chamomile is ok?" and you poured hot water into a cup, steam rising onto the ceiling.

I sat down at the table in front of the cup and took it in my hands. The warmth seeped into my skin, spreading like fire and burning a little. I took a sip and found it to be sweeter than the bitter brew normally was.

"This isn't-"

"I charmed it. That's natural cane sugar you're tasting."

"Oh."

And goddamn it, I hated you so much for making me feel grateful. How I hadn't thought of charming the tea before, I don't know, but sugar was scarce in the war and I had gone without it in my tea for at least a year.

"You're welcome."

"I didn't thank you."

There was a silence between us, unbelievably loud, as you placed a plate with a piece of buttered toast in front of me, eggs on the side just like I usually had them.

"Listen, Hermione-" I growled, "Get over it. We're a team now, and despite how much you hate me, I have been assigned by Harry to tell you all that I know."

"You _can't_ mean-"

"Yes, I do."

It took all of the effort inside of me not to throw the remaining tea in your face. That smug smile I had grown up seeing appeared once again and you lifted toast up to your lips and tore off a huge bite. I wanted to murder you. I wanted to stuff that toast right up your hairy bum.

"Fuck you."

A slow smile crept onto that face of yours and you took my cup from my hands. You took a sip and while my mouth was open in disgust you leaned over close to my ear and said one thing:

"Eventually."

**OOO**

"I can't believe you, Harry. Honestly, of all the people that you could have stuck that little twat with, you decide that-"

"Hermione, listen, if you would just give him-"

"Give him a _what_ Harry? Another chance to brand me or watch while someone else does? _What?"_

"A chance." He exhaled and reached out for me. I shrugged him off. "'Mione…please."

"You have five minutes to explain."

I sat down on the edge of the desk in Harry's room and looked down at him.

"Hermione, he's actually very intelligent. I'd go as far to say that he's as intelligent as you are."

I hissed and he flinched a little.

"So you're, what, teaming us together?"

"Yes. That's exactly what I'm doing. I'm at a loss for what else to do quite frankly. It's why I had him join us, finally. We are hitting dead ends at this point, and we need someone who isn't just intelligent, but knows how the Death Eater's operate."

"So you're saying he's better than me."

"Jesus, Hermione no!" he stood and slammed his fist down on the desk. "You aren't listening to me. Just…listen."

"Ok. Listening."

"Hermione, my wife died trying to kill them when they…when…" he cut himself off and buried his face in his hands. When I tried to comfort him he pulled away and shook his head. His eyes were red as they glared at me. "You will make this work. I don't really care how you do it, just do it. I don't like being the bad guy Hermione, but fuck. I'm the leader here and…I say get along. Play nice."

I winced and stood up myself. We were almost the same height, but I still had to look up at him a little bit.

"Ok." I said.

"Ok."

**OOO**

"The first thing you need to know is that these," I gestured behind me to a good stack of books lined up on a shelf. "Are mine."

"Yours."

"Mine."

You sighed and then nodded.

"Ok. Yours."

"And you won't touch them without my permission. Ever."

"Right. Even if you die. I'll go toy our grave and ask first. Leave some flowers maybe."

"That would be appreciated, thanks." I tried not to smile, but despite myself a little grin came over me.

"So what's the second thing?" you asked, becoming serious.

You folded your hands together, and you had these long fingers and clean-cut nails. It was almost…feminine. I allowed myself to look at you for the first time in God knows how long. You no longer used gel in your hair, but it was too short for gel, a little longer than a buzz-probably for the convenience. It showed off your eyes, which were actually a pleasant pale color, not quite blue or gray.

You weren't bad looking-aren't, really. But I wouldn't give you the satisfaction of staring, so I looked away and cleared my throat.

"Alright, well we don't know very much, truthfully. Most of the information that we did have, which of course you knew I guess, turned out to blow up in our face. About a week ago we went on a mission to London where the Death Eaters were living amongst Muggles. Unfortunately, it was hard to distinguish between them and we ended up…"

My throat hurt and I closed my eyes. I wouldn't let myself think about it, I wouldn't cry, I'd stay strong. I pressed my fingers against my eyes until I was sure that they were dry and then opened them again. You were looking straight at me, almost…concerned.

"Well, it's an easy mistake." You justified and I wanted to slap you.

"It's unfortunate, not easy."

"I'm sorry."

I glared, and to your credit you didn't avoid my gaze. Finally I relinquished a bit and you smiled.

"So, we're back at square one. Again." I continued.

"Jesus." You put your head in your hands and exhaled loudly.

I didn't want to ask you what was wrong because I didn't care. Instead I looked out the window and into the yard.

I remember when I was a kid, really young, before magic and Hogwarts and war, I used to run freely, letting the wind catch in my hair and drag it around. Now I couldn't go outside without somebody else there, and no one was ever in the mood to let loose.

"That's all you have to say?" I caved.

"I just thought I was coming into this with…more. I don't know."

"Yeah, well, sorry I'm not sorry Malfoy. This has been my life for three years now."

You stood and shook your head.

"Alright well, I'm going to go and talk to Harry. I'll see you later."

"Yeah, unfortunately." I grumbled quietly as you walked away, but I swear you heard me as you laughed a bit in the other room.

**OOO**

You were here a week before you decided to encroach upon my space. There was a room on the very first floor in, which a mock porch existed. There was a swing, which faced a large window overlooking the most beautiful lake in the world.

So many nights I would find myself there, rocking back and forth with a cup of tea, looking at that lake and wondering ho it would feel to swim in it.

I heard you walk in and then you were on the swing, setting my rocking out of rhythm, pushing back and forth in a jerking motion.

"Your company is unwanted."

"It's too quiet downstairs. Everyone is asleep or gone."

"It's quiet up here as well."

"Not right now."

I shut my mouth and resisted the urge to sock you in the face. But with someone else there I was acutely aware of every little noise-the sound of my lips sucking in tea, my throat swallowing it and the creak of my body when I moved positions.

"Fine, I'll bite. What do you want?"

"I told you. Company."

I sighed and forced myself to keep my gaze off of you. I couldn't tell if you were being sarcastic or truthful.

"I'm not very good at talking to people, Malfoy."

"Funny, the way that I remember it, you never shut up."

I smacked you then; just a light one on the shoulder, but your response-a sharp slap back-surprised me. Were we acting like friends? Never.

I stood up and starting walking out the door. Halfway out I felt your hand on my arm.

"Don't touch me." I seethed.

"I wish you'd just-"

"No."

"I understand what you're going through, Hermione."

I whipped my arm from your grasp and closed my eyes. You would never understand me, you couldn't even try. And why you were trying, I didn't know. Didn't care.

"Stop calling me that."

I left.

**OOO**

A knock on my door interrupted my reading. I'll admit that it was just a pleasure read-_Little Women_, once again-but I pretended to be irritated.

"Busy."

The door opened anyway and you came in. I refused to look up from my book once I saw that it was you. Maybe you'd just leave.

"Hey teammate." I kept my eyes down and focused on the words. They were blurring with anger though, as you sat down next to me on _my_ bed. "Good morning."

"Leave." I said between my teeth.

"I have a gift for you."

I shut my book and sighed. Ignoring was proving fruitless; maybe I could just play along and speed up your leaving.

"What is it?"

You didn't answer but instead took something out of your pocket. Quickly you put it behind your back, along with your other hand. You grinned and said, "Pick a hand".

"No."

"Than I'll take it for myself."

"Good."

I opened my book again and tried to resume reading. You didn't leave, your stance remained as stiff and expecting as ever.

"Fine." I shut my book with a bit of a slam and put it down. "The right one."

"Clever girl." You smiled and held the hand out to me.

Even with your long fingers covering most of it, I could still see the red skin, like a wax heart, coming through the spaces. I gasped and allowed my eyes to fill a bit with tears.

"Where…"

I didn't allow myself to take it. A tear spilled over the edge and fell down my cheek. I rubbed at it stubbornly and sobered myself up. It was just a fucking apple. It wasn't a big deal.

"I went out today to get supplies and saw it. I thought you'd like it."

You put it in my hands, and I felt how warm your skin actually was. I had expected it to be cold like a corpse but instead it felt…nice. Like Ron, or Harry.

"Thank you."

I hated being grateful, yet again, to you of all people, but my manners took a hold of my pride and forced it out of me. Apples, like sugar, were a rarity. When they were available they were expensive…I couldn't imagine how much this had cost you or why you had wanted to spend it on me…on a fruit.

"Be ready in half an hour. I have some new ideas."

You left and I stared at this little fruit, nestled in my hands. I thought about the last time that I had an apple, sitting on the porch with Ginny, a year ago.

"God." She said, crunching on a bit. "I can't wait for this war to be over."

We looked out over the expanse of water, that beautiful lake, and then she handed me the apple. I took a bite, a bit of juice escaping my lips.

"I don't think I can take this much longer." I whispered. "I feel so trapped."

She stood up, and I'll never forget the way her red hair trailed in the wind, a couple of strands covering her eyes and lips as she smiled.

"There's only one way out of this war, baby." She winked and took the apple, threw it as far out as she could, then wiped her hands on her bare legs.

A week later she was murdered. Dead. Cold.

And now this apple, this gorgeous red thing the color of blood, sat in my hands and I couldn't eat it. Instead I opened my drawer, put it inside and closed it.

**OOO**

"Malfoy, I've been thinking."

"As opposed to what you usually do, yes. Go on."

I whacked you with the book in my hands and you smiled. It had been two weeks since your arrival, and I still hated you. I hated you so much that it hurt. Just being in this room with you made me want to drag you over to the freezer and lock you inside. But two weeks was a long time here in the war zone. Every day was a gift because tomorrow was never promised to any of us. At any second we could be fighting for our lives, we technically already were.

And so each day that I had to spend with you was still another day that I got to live; fourteen days felt like an eternity. We were, if nothing else, teammates now. I respected that.

"What if we're going about this all wrong?"

"I'm listening."

I paced nervously, threading my fingers together. I didn't want to say anything in case I sounded stupid, but I had a feeling…I wondered, if maybe I could be right.

"Malfoy, we've been trying so hard to find out where the core group of Death Eaters-the leaders, if you will, are. It's led to mistake after mistake, and maybe that's because they know where we'll try to look. Maybe they're setting it up and maybe…maybe they aren't in Europe."

"Because they're in outer space. Right."

"Stop. I'm serious. What if they're…in the United States?"

You didn't say anything, you just looked at me, and I knew my feeling was right. Why hadn't we thought about it before? Europe was small, the United States was huge and there were so many people that they could use against us; so many potential soldiers.

"God damn."

**OOO**

"Alright, I'm listening you two. Go on."

Harry sat in front of us, rubbing his temples. Though he was only twenty-one, a bit of gray had appeared in the last couple months. We were all so stressed, him especially. I felt awful.

"Well in the past week we've been scouring the atlas, trying to figure out which place the Death Eaters could be located. We realized they wouldn't be in places such as Alaska, because it's cold and sparsely populated. They'd stick to places that have both a higher population and density. It's easier to hide that way."

Harry looked at you and nodded. I knew he was waiting for the punch line-the kicker. I had been waiting for it as well.

"So we've narrowed it down to three states." I interrupted. "I mean, there are 50 states, and we'll check them all if we have to, but we could at least start with these three."

"New York, New York for starters." You said. "Austin, Texas and Los Angeles, California."

He nodded again, silent in thought.

"So you're proposing what, exactly?"

"We're proposing sending teams out to these three states. We'll stay in direct communication with those coins from fifth year, and message each other if something comes up. We can easily apparate to the others side if needed. And we take them down."

We waited for Harry's response. He seemed nervous but finally shrugged.

"It's flawed, this plan. But it's the first new thing that we've come up with in ages. What do we have to lose?"

**OOO**

I saw it coming, but I was still hurt when it happened. Harry paired himself with Ron and Lavender for New York. He put Neville, Seamus and Luna together for Texas. Which left you and I, together…alone. I was devastated that he hadn't wanted me to come along with him, considering we might not ever see each other again.

"Hermione, I'm sorry. But Malfoy…trusts you."

"Excuse me?"

"He _trusts_ you. He requested you. I think it's a smart match. Look what you two already came up with."

I winced and buried my face in my hands. He put his arm around me and pulled me close.

"I don't want to lose you."

"You won't." he assured me. "We'll win this thing Hermione."

But I didn't know how he could be so sure. We had already lost so much…

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I'm back! It's been awhile since I wrote a Dramione :] **

**Basically, here's the deal. This was too long to be a one-shot, but it's not going to be really long, either. That is, if the plot bunny doesn't run off with me again...**

**Reviews are so appreciated! **


	2. Chapter 2

The airport was crowded and loud. I had never been on an airplane before, and stood by the nearest window, looking out at the planes. They were large machines with wheels bigger than my entire body.

I was scared.

You were off somewhere, the bathroom maybe. I could care less, honestly. All I could think about was that surely Harry and Ron were in New York by now. They were looking for their hotel, in a taxi or on the metro. They were taking in the sights, laughing with Lavender and pulling on their luggage.

I was alone and I wanted them here. I felt exposed in this large airport, my tiny body hid in a corner and my one small bag resting on the floor beside me. I sat down on the ledge and curled my feet up beneath me. I focused on the feeling of my legs stiffening and closed my eyes tight.

"Hermione."

My eyes flew open and I saw you kneeling down before me. You held out a cup with a straw and I took it reluctantly. I took a sip and the fizz settled in my stomach.

"Thanks."

You nodded and stood. I watched as you took my bag in your hand and held out the other hand to me.

"Time to go." You said.

I stood, grabbed my bag from you and headed in the direction of our gate. You could give me a drink, but that didn't make us friends. It didn't mean I needed you.

**OOO**

I could feel the plane taking off underneath us. The floor rattled and I tried my best to take deep breaths in and out. Why we couldn't have just apparated was beyond me, but I made a mental note to shake the crap out of Harry when I saw him again.

I looked over at you and saw that you were calm and composed, looking straight ahead at the seat in front of you.

How was it fair that I was sitting here, visions of dying exploding in my brain, and you-Draco Malfoy, someone who hated all things Muggle, looked like you could just fall asleep?

I covered my face with my hands and strangled a sob. I wanted this war to be over. I didn't want to have to go to Los Angeles where I knew nobody aside from you.

_Calm down_, I told myself. _Be strong._

I uncovered my face and looked over at you again. You hadn't moved. Then there was a quick flash and I looked down. Your arm, which was resting on the armrest, overturned. Your hand unfurled like a question and I answered it by slipping my fingers between yours.

**OOO**

_The room was spinning. Our plane had hit some bumps and fumbled around. Everyone was screaming, people jostling each other around. I could feel arms pulling me back, but I wasn't interested. I had to save her-I had to find her. A flash of auburn drifted in the corner of my eye and I chased it. _

_ But the floor was unsteady and I was falling, my feet slipping and I hit the ground._

_ "Hermione!" someone was screaming. I couldn't get up. "Hermione!"_

"Hermione! Wake up, we're landing!"

You were shaking my arm, a look of concern on your face.

"Alright, alright." I pulled form your grasp and rubbed my forehead.

"Last flight. We're finally here." You pointed out the window and I saw that indeed we had landed at the LAX.

It was magnificent; I'll never be able to deny that. In my lifetime I had hardly seen such beautiful architecture surrounded by floods of people. You and I pulled our bags from the overhead and walked out our gate.

"Ok." You took a piece of paper out of your pocket and opened it. "Our hotel is the Santa Monica. Right near the beach."

"Wow. How did we get the money for that?"

"Me. I'm paying for us."

I had no idea what to say. It was no secret that you were wealthy-that you had inherited your family's fortune when your father was murdered last year. But to think that this money was being used so that I could live in comfort was almost unfathomable.

"Thank you." I said quietly. It hurt deeply to continually be in your debt, but I was raised to be gracious, and I couldn't ignore his kindness forever.

We walked together in silence out of the airport. The heat hit me immediately and I regretted that I didn't own more than winter clothes.

You looked down at my frayed jeans and frowned.

"I suppose our first order of business should be heading to the airport, but after that we'll have to go to an outlet and buy you…appropriate apparel."

"I'm fine." I muttered.

Your hand moved to the nape of my neck and pushed away my curls. Wind hit my skin and sent shivers down my spine.

"You're sweating." You whispered in my ear and I felt my skin rise. I could smell the mint in your breath.

I shook my head and sent my curls back down my back. Stepping close to the street I hailed a cab and tried to calm my heart. I couldn't decide if I was furious or embarrassed. How had I come to be so dependent on you?

I wished more than ever that it were Harry or Ron getting into the cab with me, instead of you. But I could hear you squeak into the seat next to me, and the door shut. It was hot and stuffy in the cab, so we gave the driver the hotel name and sat in silence.

It's a funny thing, something I've never been able to figure out, but when I'm stressed I imagine the smell of oranges. I can bring the scent of citrus into my nose and let it wrap itself around my brain before my heart slows and everything is ok again.

Except the scent is strong this time, almost real. I take another whiff, for real this time, and realize you're peeling an orange, right there in the taxi.

"Where did you get that?"

"Airplane." You answer, and continue peeling.

I watched you, watched your hands. They moved almost musically, twisting and pulling away, leaving the fleshy white skin exposed.

He broke it in half and handed me one. It felt cool in my hands and I eagerly bit down into a slice. The juice dribbled down my chin a little and when I turned to thank you I saw that you were smiling.

"Why are you being like this Malfoy?"

"I told you, I understand what you're going through-"

"No."

I shook my head. Ate another piece of orange.

"You don't have to shut people out all the time Hermione. Just because it's war doesn't mean you can't make friends."

"I have friends."

"And they're not here. I am. We could be here a long time, you need me."

"I do _not_ need you." It was practically a shriek.

"No? So you'll let yourself be completely alone? Indefinitely?" You sounded almost…sad. It threw me off.

"I'd rather be alone than with you."

Out of the corner of my eye I thought I saw you wince and if I'm being truthful (which, what do I have to lose now by being honest?) I felt a bit bad for being so mean to you. I just didn't think this "being nice" act was genuine.

You turned away from me and looked out the window. Bits of sun came through the glass and made your hair luminescent. You were almost…beautiful, and I blushed as soon as the thought escaped my conscious mind.

"We're here." You said finally.

The taxi stopped and you opened the door. Heat barreled in and hit me like a tidal wave. I wanted nothing more than to get into a shower of cold water and never leave.

Our hotel room felt like a cool cave. The double doors opened to reveal a bedroom, a door leading to a bathroom…and a balcony. I put my bag down and walked out onto it. Below was a clear view of the beach.

I pressed my hands onto the scaffold and gripped it in my fingers. It was beautiful; almost like this were a vacation and not a death mission. I breathed in the air and tasted salt in my throat.

"Want to go out?" You asked.

"No, that's ok. I think I'm just going to shower."

I heard you leave but I stayed on the balcony for a while.

Grief finds you in the highest of places. You're a flower sitting on top of a stem, and someone steps on you. The ground is in your face, dirt in your lungs and your eyes.

I could see people running into the ocean and piling sand on each other, but it wasn't me. It would never be me.

Then there was cold shower water on my head, slicing down my back and under my feet. The only thing that broke my concentration was the noise of a door opening. The bathroom door.

"GET OUT!" I screamed and crammed myself into the corner of the shower, covering myself as much as I could. "MALFOY, GET OUT!"

"Calm your fucking tits, Hermione." Came your slow drawl. "I can't see anything through the curtain."

My heart was beating fast, part in anger and part from an unknown feeling that I didn't recognize. You had interrupted my grief, yet again, and I felt almost…grateful.

I listening for your steps out and then sank to the floor. I could feel the drops sink their teeth into my hair, too cold now, biting at my scalp. When I got out I saw that you had a fuzzy white towel folded on the toilet for me. I wrapped it around my waist and peeked out the door.

"I'm on the balcony. Clothes are on the bed for you."

I let the door swing open a little more and indeed there was a shopping bag in the middle of the mattress.

"How long was I in the shower?"

"A couple hours maybe."

I could feel the breeze from the balcony, raising goose bumps on my legs. My hair was a tangled mess and my skin was almost blue.

Inside the bag were a few shorts and some soft tanks and shirts. I pulled one shirt up and it felt almost like silk. It was a quarter sleeve, light blue with bits of green twisted around the buttons. I laid it out next to a pair of gray shorts. The outfit looked so normal…so different from the same clothes I had been wearing from the beginning of the war that I wanted to cry.

"Put that on. Let's go out to eat before it gets dark."

I turned my head and saw you staring. I gripped my towel tighter and frowned.

"I should put a bell around you, you're too quiet."

You smirked and touched my cheek. I pulled away.

"Where's the fun in that?"

"I-well, it's _polite_, which I know you're unfamiliar with, but still-"

"I'll make a proper entrance next time. Roll out a red carpet. Have someone announce my name."

"Good."

**OOO**

"Are there…big balls, hanging from the trees?"

"They're lanterns, Malfoy."

"Why are there lights? It's not Christmas."

"Decoration. It's cute."

"Why-"

"Can you stop asking questions? Jesus."

You fidgeted a bit with your napkin before placing it on your lap. You look at me and give me this look, like you're looking underneath my skin, at my veins and my blood.

"You look very nice in that color."

"I'm…exc-what?"

"That shirt looks lovely on you."

My cheeks burn. I have no idea what to say. Are you flirting with me?

"Thanks." I mumble and look down at my napkin.

"Can I take your order?" a young woman with straight blonde hair, pulled back in a braid holds a pad in her hand and a pen in the other.

You order a steak, medium rare. I order chicken breast and a side salad. As soon as the waitress walks away I catch you staring at her behind the counter, handing the order to the chef. You have a small smirk on your face and your eyes are filmy with a daydream.

"You like her?"

You turn and look at me. You blink a couple times and cough into your fist.

"I have a thing for blondes, yes."

"You should ask her out." I take a sip of my water and crush an ice cube in my teeth.

You shake your head and sip your water as well.

"No."

"Why not?" I force a smile. "Already have a lady?"

Your eyes flick up to mine and it feels like my face is on fire. How can you look so deeply at me like that?

"Something like that."

**OOO**

The first thing that I notice is the sun. It's peeping through my eyelids in a fiery orange color, and when I open my eyes it's actually more than that. Bits of pink and blue spread out on my sheet like a yawning cat.

I swing out of bed and see you sleeping on the armchair in the corner. There is only one bed and we've agreed to take turns sleeping in it. When my feet hit the floor there is a tiny creak and you shift a bit, your hand swiping at your mouth and then falling to the ground.

I take quiet steps out onto the balcony and see the ocean. It's a high tide and the water is the most beautiful color of gray. I wonder what it would be like to go under the waves and swim away. When I was little I used to pretend that I was a mermaid and lock my legs together as I swam. My Mom would frown and pull me out begging me to stop. She was afraid that I'd drown, but as soon as she turned her back I'd try again.

I knew that you were back on the chair sleeping, and I thought that it would be cruel to wake you. Sleeping was the only time that we got to stop existing in this world. The only time that there was no war, no breakable bones and crusty, tear stained faces. I would give anything to be able to sleep forever, but as I looked out at the ocean, my hands warm from the glow of the sun, I felt the first bit of hope that I had experienced in years. It finally felt like we were moving foreward.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I'm sorry it took me so long to update, I feel awful :/ The good news is that I'm going to make this an official story, not just a three chapter sequence! Yay? Reviews are appreciated, as always.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Uh, not mine?**

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><p>We had been there for a week before you finally crouched down next to me on the floor and grabbed a book from my hands.<p>

"I've had enough of this." You stated.

"Thinking of switching back sides already Malfoy?"

"Hardly." You snorted.

I tried to grab the book back from you but you shook your head and tossed it into the corner of the room.

"God, Malfoy. What the hell do you want?"

"To have fun."

My jaw dropped as I stared at you incredulously. How could you be thinking about _fun _when people, innocent people, were dying? Typical Malfoy attitude, I suppose. Selfish.

"Ok, well when the war is over we'll go get some ice cream. Sound good to you?"

You stood, pulling me up with you by my arm. Your fingers were wound tightly, my skin purple around your big hands.

"Stop it. We didn't come here for fun."

You let go and went to my closet. Since we had arrived you had dragged me out shopping, buying me an unnecessary amount of clothing and not even blinking at the total cost of it all. You pulled out a dress that I don't remember seeing when we had checked out in the many, many stores. It was a light blue silk, shiny and shimmering in the sun coming in through the balcony. The straps had a darker blue seam, which also occurred further down the dress, wrapping around two inches from the bottom. There were obscure white and blue flowers spread around the fabric and overall it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen in my life. I would have never picked it out myself.

"I'm not going to wear that." I said stubbornly. I could feel my lower lip jut out in a pathetic pout.

You threw the dress in my direction and I caught it. Beautiful silk like that shouldn't be wrinkled or on the floor. Once in my hands I gasped. It felt like water and slipped around my skin in cool ripples.

"Don't be such a bore, Hermione. Put it on. I'm paying far too much for us to sit in this room all day."

You went into the bathroom, presumably to get ready, and when I heard the shower water turn on I knew I had guess correctly. I walked over to the full-length mirror by the bed and held the dress up to my body. It looked too pretty to go with my…well, everything.

But I found myself taking off the soft shorts I wore to bed and the plain white t-shirt that I hadn't changed out of for a couple of days. The dress practically fell over my arms and skimmed down my body.

I blinked a couple times but the image didn't change. I looked…

My skin in contrast to the shade of blue was startling. Though I was pale from being inside all the time, the dress gave me an almost golden glow. My eyes reflected the bits of white and appeared to have more depth. I pulled my hair from the band it was wound in and shook it out. Though it was a bit bumpy, the curls combined with outsides heat would soon take over.

For the first time I wished that I owned a bit of makeup. I felt ordinary. But at the same time, I felt beautiful.

The shower turned off and my breath caught in my throat. I can't explain it, but I just didn't know if I could handle you seeing me in the dress. I was afraid you might laugh at me with that cruel pitch you used to give me in school.

The door opened and you emerged in a towel. You saw me and for a moment none of us said anything. My gaze fixed on a point behind your head and I was sure my face must be bright red and swollen with shame. When I looked back you gave me a tiny smile and gestured towards the bathroom.

"Do you mind?"

I realized you needed to change now and I squeaked out an "of course". In the bathroom I sat on the toilet, avoiding any reflective surfaces. You were clearly disappointed. I was embarrassed beyond belief.

A tiny bag sat on the counter. I picked it up and opened it. The contents nearly made me fall off of the toilet. I stood and dumped the entirety on the shiny marble. A black tube of eyeliner, mascara, foundation which was (I checked) my exact shade, blush in a shade called "pink's posy", a couple brushes and bronzer.

How did you get this without asking me? How did you know that I'd want it? More importantly, why did you fucking care? I picked up the foundation and started applying it carefully. Immediately my complexion looked more even and the bags under my eyes looked less prominent.

The next fifteen minutes I muddled about applying the makeup, surprising myself at how well I seemed to be doing. As I was pulling the mascara wand one last time through my lashes I heard you knock on the door.  
>"You can come out now Hermione."<p>

I looked in the mirror and then threw the bag back together again quickly. I zipped it shut and then shook my hair out one last time. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Jesus." I said without thinking.

You were dressed in gray pants with a shirt the shade of my dress. Your hair was combed back and obviously charmed to stay in perfect place. You held out your arm and I found myself taking it. As we walked out the door you touched my shoulder and told me, "Not so bad yourself."

**OOO**

I could taste wine in the back of my throat but I didn't reach for the glass of water. Instead I quickly ran my tongue over my teeth, pulling away remnants of taste from the chicken I was eating.

You sat across from me, the light picking up glints in your hair as you bent over your plate and carved at your steak. When you looked up and saw me watching, you smiled a little and put down your cutlery.

"You should really try this. It's excellent."

_No_ _thank you_ bit at the edge of my lips, but I surprised myself by giving a little nod.

"Alright, sure."

You didn't even seem surprised. You pushed your plate over to me and waited for me to pick a piece off with my fork and then watched as I put it in my mouth. Instantly I could see why you had chosen the steak. I had never had steak before. My parents didn't care for it, and then when I was on my own I could never afford it. The war came soon after and it's not like steak was lying around. Mostly we ate eggs, toast, tea and rice. It was cheap, fast and easy to digest.

"It's good." I acknowledged and you resumed eating.

It was awkward, this semi date…_thing_ that we were on. Shit, I mean, not date. It wasn't a date. But it _was_ dinner, and it was more than awkward. I had nothing to say to you, and in the silence all I could think about was research, and getting back into the room and completing the book I was reading for the millionth time.

"Tell me something about yourself." You said.

Your voice was so honest and so genuine that it threw me off. Tell you something about myself? Like what?

"Why?"

"I'm interested."

"Because…?"

"Because we've spent all this time together and I know nothing about you."

I chose my words carefully. I let myself eat another bite of chicken and then raised my glass of wine to my lips.

"The point of war is not to get to know each other." I said and then took a sip.

"No, but it makes it more bearable, I think."

I set the glass down and smiled grimly.

"Fine. What would you like to know?"

"Anything."

"Well there's nothing really, Malfoy. I'm actually quite boring."

"I highly doubt that."

A beat of quiet passed between us as I processed yet another strange compliment from you. Were you flirting? I shook the thought as soon as it came.

"I'm Muggle born. My parents worked with teeth and then when I got the letter to Hogwarts, they opened up a book shop to make ends meet at Hogwarts."

"I knew that already, though."

"Did you?"

This surprised me. When we were in school you did nothing less than make my life hell. All of my sufferings came from one way or another your doing and I was never spared a cruel word when we shared a space.

I couldn't imagine you knowing something about my parents, aside from the face that they were Muggles, because your favorite name for me was…

My arm rang in pain, the soft scar shining under the light. _Mudblood_.

Ear ringing. Lights too bright. I stood suddenly and gasped.

"Excuse me." I whispered and ran out.

The fresh air was almost painful as my lungs struggled to pump oxygen. I tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and caught myself just barely on the railing near the entrance of the restaurant, _Ocean's View_, which you were inside eating steak inside.

_Do not cry_, I demanded of myself. _Do not fucking cry, you little baby._

"Hermione?"

I composed myself before turning around. I was confident that there were no tears or redness in my eyes, but to be sure I look away from you instead of directly at you.

"I'm sorry. I'm ready to go back inside."

"I paid the bill. It's fine."

"I'm sorry." I hated myself for giving you those words, but you had gone to so much effort to make tonight nice and I hadn't been very kind in return.

"Don't be."

**OOO**

For the first time since arriving, I was on the beach. I hadn't gone in the water yet, but instead sat at the edge, letting the water skim over my sand covered toes. I imagined crabs below us scuttling about, and somewhere along the beach there had to be eggs waiting to crack out sea turtles.

"When I was sixteen years old I realized how much I truly hated Pansy Parkinson."

I turned my head to look at you, a look of shock most likely on my face.

"What?"

"It's true." You coughed into your hand and then continued. "She was always a little brat, but right around our sixth year I realized how much I loathed myself for being with her. For being _around_ her even."

"Then why were you with her?"

"I know you'll probably judge me for saying this, but then again you don't even like me so it doesn't really matter I guess." I tried to protest but you waved me off. "I bought you dinner, not your eternal gratitude. Spare me. Anyway, the thing is I did love her at first. I know that's hard to believe considering how awful she is, but I was awful as well. Maybe I still am, I don't know. She made me feel powerful, like I mattered. And then one day I woke up and…" you looked at me. "Everything changed. I couldn't stand her."

I dug my toes in the sand. It was wet and resisted my skin, falling off of it in clumps.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Who else will I tell?"

And there was the truth of it, the thing that I had been searching for all of this time. You, Draco Malfoy, didn't want to get to know me because you _liked_ me, but because there was no one else. It was that simple.

The relief at finally discovering this took a weight off my chest. I breathed easier and started digging with my fingers now.

"Want to go in the water?" I shook my head. "Why not?"

"No reason."

"There is clearly a reason, you just don't want to tell it."

"There isn't a reason, you're just being pushy and obtuse."

You snorted and threw a bit of sand at me. It hit my neck in a wet spray and despite myself I let out a squeal. I got on my knees and shoved you, relishing in the way your hair got pulled in the ocean tide.

In a quick series of motions, you got on your feet, picked me up, and started running in the water.

"Malfoy, stop!" I screamed. My heart was racing. "What are you doing?"

"Being pushy and obtuse." You replied, and dropped me in the water.

I could feel my lungs give out when I went below the surface. It was night and despite there being lights from the hotel coming out onto the beach, it was dark in the ocean, and cold. I couldn't see and for a minute I panicked. I was unable to find my way to the surface and I was going to die.

You had killed me.

But then I came back up. My dress was soaked and plastered to my skin. I could feel my hair drip.

"You bastard."

I stormed past you, not stopping until we reached the hotel. In our room I unleashed my fury.

"Hermione, we were just having fun!"

"It was fun for _you_. For me it was a nightmare!"

"I don't-"

"I _told_ you I didn't want to go in."

"I know, but-"

"Jesus Christ, but you did it anyway. Just like every other damn thing since you've come into my life."

"Can you shut-"

"I hate you, Malfoy. I really do."

And then before I could really think about it, I felt your lips on my throat, against the pulse of my heart. You kept them there and I didn't pull away, for reasons I can't really put into words.

As quickly as you had moved before, you stepped back.

"You ruined my dress." I quietly muttered.

"A simply drying spell will fix that, I think. We _are_ magic, Hermione."

And then you started to take off your shirt.

"What are you doing?" I squeaked.

"Going to bed. Can you turn around, I'd like to change." I turned to face the wall, my heart still racing from before. "Oh, and Hermione?" I turned a bit and caught a glimpse of your naked chest.  
>"Hmm?"<p>

"I get the bed."

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><p><strong>AN: Eeep! I hope you enjoy my little progression in this update! **

**It should go without saying, but reviews are appreciated. It's all I get from writing this. **

**Hope you're all loving your spring!**


	4. Chapter 4

When I wake up I can smell something that vaguely resembles grass in the morning. For a moment I think that I'm back at home, safely under my covers on Holiday. Then I shift and my back hurts from sleeping on the armchair all night, and I remember where I really am.

The smell is you; standing by the balcony in nothing but what looks like a pair of swim-trunks. You're unaware that I'm awake, and despite myself I find my eyes traveling over your broad chest and finding you…pleasing. You have sinewy muscles that come from eating too little and working too much. The hair on your chest is wet and I realize you must have just come back from swimming.

I cough, announcing my presence, and you turn around.

"Morning beautiful."

I cringe and stretch.

"Flattery won't get you anywhere here, Malfoy."

You shrug and head into the bathroom. A couple minutes later I hear the shower turn on.

A strange burning feeling starts in the bottom of my stomach. I don't know what to blame for it until my mind turns to you again and the feeling doubles. I want to vomit. I feel like you're a disease that's crawled under my skin somehow and I just want you to leave.

It's been a month since I've seen Harry and Ron, and I miss them so much that it aches in my chest. I wonder how they're doing, if they've made any progress in discovering clues to the Death Eater's whereabouts.

I feel a spiral of shame begin as I remember that we've made no progress here. Maybe it's a dead end being here, but a big part of me knows that we're just not trying hard enough.

I pull the blanket off of me and stand up. The cool air coming in from the balcony is almost sensual, so I walk out and lean on the railing. The ocean is like this body lying out like a mistress, calling to me. I can smell the salt stinging in my eyes, can feel the warm morning water washing over my skin.

But then I remember the darkness, the cold seeping in my pores and leaving me winded. I shiver and step back inside. Somehow you're already pulling on clothes, looking up at me and smiling a bit.

"Morning." I let myself indulge you.

"In a better mood then?"

"No, just a bit more awake and prepared to deal with you."

"That's the spirit." You tossed your towel at me and I sidestepped it, cringing. "I was thinking we might explore a bit today."

I sighed heavily and picked up the towel. As I folded it, you waited for my answer, clearly feeling a bit like a genius with your suggestion.

"Malfoy, we have work to do. A lot of work."

"Yes, and it'll still be there when we're finished having a bit of fun. So get dressed and let's go out."

"No." I said immediately. I put the towel on a chair near the bathroom and then frowned in your direction.

"Alright. So I'll just go get coffee and when I'm back you'll be ready?"

"Nope."

"Decaf alright? Extra sugar as usual?"

"Malfoy, no."

Now you sighed and rubbed your temple a bit.

"Hermione, what are you going to do? Pour over the same damn book for the millionth time? Give yourself a break, we're in L.A for fucks sake."

I wanted to protest, to give you a lengthy speech on how irresponsible you were being, on how even Neville would be more use to me at this point. But there was something inside of me that couldn't resist what you were offering: outside, fresh air, adventure.

How many times had I sat inside our little cottage, begging myself to just do it-just run outside and roll down the hill until my hair was tangled in the flowers and I sank into the earth and disappeared?

Now I had that chance, or a ghost of it, really. For there was no such thing as _true_ freedom in war. Something was always at stake; something would always be in the way of true weightlessness.

So I walked into the bathroom, saying as I closed the door, "Regular coffee, three creams, and two sugars. Don't let it get lukewarm by the time you get here."

And I heard you whisper under your breath, "Of course her coffee is equally as bloody complicated." Which made me smile.

**OOO**

"Let's go over this one more time. You can have one flavor. One."

"But there are thirty to choose from!"

"So eliminate twenty nine before I leave from boredom."

I sighed, hair puffing out around my cheeks. It had been a long morning of exploring, and the hot L.A sun had bore down on us, shoving us into a little ice cream shop on the corner of an even more tiny market. The air-conditioning was weak, but the little fan that whirred above us gave a little comfort to the sweat dripping between my shoulder blades.

I looked over from the flavors again and saw you staring. When you caught me, you blinked a couple times and then moved your eyes a little to the side. My stomach turned a bit and I hated myself for it. I kept seeing your bare chest, sand clinging stubbornly to your skin and the scent of the ocean heavy around us.

_You're lonely_, I told myself. _It doesn't mean anything_.

"Strawberry." I said finally. You let out an exasperated sigh. "What?"

"You spend fifteen minutes deciding and settle on strawberry? There's lavender flavor, for God's sake."

"I have a simple palette."

You groaned and then went foreword and ordered our ice cream. I let my mind wander, glancing around the shop and taking in all of the small details. The floor was yellow and blue squares, shiny, like someone had just waxed the surface. The air smelled like lemons, which was funny because I don't actually remember seeing any lemon flavor in the icebox.

In general, the place reminded me of Germany, and of the time my family and I went on holiday there one summer. Everyone told us we should have gone during Christmas, when Germany is at it's most beautiful, but my parents were insistent I enjoy Hogwarts with my friends that year.

The weather had been so pleasant, not like the humidity now, but everything there smelled…clean. Fresh. Like no one, ever, had done something dirty or hurt anyone.

I looked over again, finding you, and saw you smiling and leaning foreword towards the girl serving you ice cream. She laughed at something you said, and shook her hair in your direction.

A small inflammation starting n my stomach and then heat waved over my face. I had the urge to go to her and snap her neck. Preserve her head in the ice cream that she was serving.

Instead, I stood rooted in my spots.

I didn't know why I was so angry, until I let my rational self dissect it. I was _jealous_.

I had no right to be-you weren't mine. That was a laughable thought, to be honest.

And then you were walking towards me. You handed me a strawberry ice cream cone and smiled that beautiful smile of yours.

_Wait_! My mind screamed at me. _Beautiful? _ I shook my head and walked away, trying to forget any of this had ever happened.

**OOO**

"I bought you something."

I looked up from the book I was pouring over again, trying to track the death eater's movements, and saw you extending something to me. Another book? I took it and glanced over the title.

_Atonement_.

"I….haven't read this." I admitted.

"I know."

I blanched. How could you know that I hadn't read this? I've read so many books over the years…

"Why are you giving me this?"

You shrugged and sat down next to me.

"You're stressing yourself out so much lately. I would tell you to take a break from reading, but reading seems to calm you down. So, I got you a nice read. It's a good book, you'll enjoy it."

"You've read this?" I asked and tried to ignore the fuzzy feeling in my head.

"I like to read." You smiled. "Shocked?"

I gave you a little smile back.

"Not quite as shallow as I thought, I guess."

"Well, I'll leave you to it."

You stood up and left me sitting there on the floor alone, holding your gift in my hands.

"Wait."

You turned and looked at me, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes?"

I stood up and put the book on the bed.

"Where are you going?"

I had the sudden feeling that if I were to be alone in this room, all words I had read and will read would overwhelm me and drown me alive. If you were all I had, then fine. But I wanted you here. It shocked me, but I couldn't deny the comfort you had given me lately.

"The balcony. Want to join me?"

I nodded. We walked together outside and I noticed up in the sky, the moon was full and lovely.

"It's beautiful here."

You were silent, staring down at the light illuminated water.

After a few minutes, you turned to me and touched my shoulder lightly. I flinched, and then regretted it when I saw the hurt on your face.

"Still don't trust me then?"

"Still don't understand _why_, Malfoy."

"Why what?"

"Why you _care._"

"I told you before. I understand what you're going through."

"And like I told you-you don't."

You turned away again and visibly drooped. It was in that instant that I could see you had been hiding something from all of us; something heavy, something dark. A burden that you carried, just as I carried…

My insides revolted as I even thought about it. I heaved over the edge of the balcony and took deep breaths. Your attention snapped over to me and you moved close.

"Hey. Are you alright?"

I shoved you off and focused on inhaling, exhaling, devouring the air around us.

"Leave me alone." I whispered.

"I can't. We're partners."

**_"Hey busy bee. What are you doing?"_**

**_ "Fixing the hole in Harry's jeans. War isn't kind on denim, apparently."_**

**_ "By hand? You could just use magic."_**

**_ "I love you, Hermione. You're my partner and babe supreme, but that is where we differ in opinion."_**

**_ "What do you mean?"_**

**_ "Magic isn't the answer to everything."_**

**_ I frowned at her, watching her bend over thread and blue, her red hair a curtain around her knees._**

**_ "Yes it is."_**

**_ She looked up and smiled._**

**_ "You'll see one day, dear. Some things are beyond magic. After all, isn't that why we're fighting this thing?'_**

My head reeled with memories, until I finally let myself collapse in your arms. I felt your surprise at first, and then you wrapped your arms around me. They were warm, your bare forearms touching my sweaty back.

We stayed like that for what felt like hours, and every time I thought that you would leave, you didn't. You stayed. And that was enough. I couldn't hate you for being here.

Finally, I let myself pull away and looked up at you. Your eyes were sad but you smiled and touched my cheek. You bent foreword and I stopped breathing. My eyes closed, bracing myself for the worst. And then I felt it. Cool lips, pressed against my forehead.

"You can have the bed tonight." You said.

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><p><strong>AN: Sorry it took me so long to update. Life kinda got in the way for a bit. But here's a little tidbit for everyone that's actually reading this thing. Review? Let me know your thoughts or things you want to see in the future? **


	5. Chapter 5

It was dark. I could hear the familiar background noise of the ocean and your light snoring came from the armchair in the corner. Aside from that, it was quiet. I was alone.

Before I could even process what I was doing, I found myself moving to the end of the bed and swinging onto the floor.

"Malfoy?" I called out. "You awake?"

You grumbled and turned in the seat.

"Malfoy, please?"

A deep sigh echoed in the room and then you sat up.

"Ok. What's going on, Hermione?"

I scratched my head, pushing the hair up between my fingers. For a moment I considered just shaking the moment off and going back to bed, but I had already woken you up, and I'd never live it down if I just walked away. My brain screamed at me how _horrible_ this was, but I had to ask anyway.

"It's stupid." I reluctantly admitted.

"That's a first." And then you exhaled and sat up straighter.

I had your attention. Those alert eyes of yours waking up and focusing in on me with sharp attentiveness. It was now or never.

"Do you think I'm a bad person?"

"Jesus."

"I'm sorry." I stood up again and moved to my bed. A handful of fingers wrapped around my wrist and pulled me back down.

"No." you said. "You asked, now listen."

I nodded and waited for what I probably didn't want to hear. I would get what I asked for.

"Why do you think you're a bad person? Just out of curiosity."

"I don't know." I puffed out air and felt my forehead sheen with sweat and dry from the frost between my lips.

"Well, you aren't. You're just…confused."

"Oh. Well, thanks. I'll just see you in the morning then-"

But you weren't finished. You rolled your eyes and held on to my wrist tighter.

"What is going _on_, Hermione?"

I let my gaze drift for barely a second and saw you standing. You stretched, groaning and pulled me up with you. In the pale moonlight, I saw your hair illuminated, pale like cream. Your eyes were ice, shiny with sleep, and they dilated in on my face.

"Look, it's nothing, ok? Just…I sometimes feel a bit…inadequate."

You laughed; softly at first, and then as you woke up, your laugh grew.

"I don't see what's so funny!"

You put your face in your hands and sighed. When you looked up, it was through your lashes, your gaze a bit unfocused.

"I would have never imagined that Hermione Granger would describe herself as inadequate."

"Well, I'm glad you find it so humorous. I'm just going to go to bed now, thanks."

"Stop."

There were those fingers again; impossibly long and wound around my wrist like vines. You were serious now, your face ashen with…grief?

"I didn't mean it. Look, I'm sorry Hermione."

"It's ok." I mumbled and tried to pull away. Your grip tightened.

"You're not going to explain?"

"Nothing to explain."

"So that's it? You woke me up to tell me that you feel…inadequate?"

I huffed a bit and crossed my arms. Finally, you let go. I could hear the air around your arm as it dropped to your side.

"They didn't want me to go with them…Ron and Harry. They chose Lavender, over me."

Once it was out, I could feel my cheeks redden. How could I actually admit that out loud? It sounded ridiculous.

You were silent, but you looked right at me. My blush deepened and I shifted uncomfortably.

"Is that what you think?"

"Just forget it, ok? I told you. It's stupid."

"You're right. It is. The only reason that you _aren't _with Ron or Harry, is because I asked for you to be with me. Surely he told you that?"

"He did. But I didn't believe him. Why would someone who hates me want to spend all of this time with me?"

"Because I don't hate you."

_Oh._

"You…don't?"

"No."

My entire body was on fire. Flames were erupting out of my eyeballs; I could hardly look at you.

"I…see."

"Aren't you going to ask me why?"

"No, I don't think I-"

"It's like I keep telling you, Hermione. I know what you're going through."

I startled, a bit bristled at your accusation.

"You don't know anything about me."

"I know you lost your best friend."

And there it was-the memory, ice cold in my chest. I wanted to run, but for some reason or another I just couldn't.

"You don't know anything about that."

You moved closer. I could smell your breath, which was light and had a bit of mint to it, like spearmint or…toothpaste…

"I know that you saw her die. Held her in your arms as she bled to death."

My blood pressure rose and my heart felt like it would snap in half. How could you? Why would you bring this up? My hands went over my ears and there was someone screaming, and then I was warm…surrounded by your thick arms.

"Leave me alone, you prick!" I shoved you with my hands as hard as I could and ended up falling. My head hit the edge of the bed and everything went black.

**OOO**

When I woke up, my head was sore. I was lying in a pile of covers, and the fan above me was making an awful whirring sound.

"So you're up then?"

I sat up quickly and groaned. _Head rush!_

"Mmmm."

"That was quite a show you gave last night."

I fought the urge to stand and kick you in the groin. _This_ was the Malfoy that I knew-always out to prove a point.

With wary eyes I watched you come over to me. You stood above me and shook your head.

"Lay down."

"I just got up!" I protested.

With gentle hands you pressed me down and place a cool cloth on my forehead. I sighed despite myself and closed my eyes.

"You hit the bed pretty hard, but you should be fine. Just sleep it off."

I nodded, refusing to open my eyes. After a moment, I heard you start to move away.

"Malfoy?"

The footsteps stopped. I waited for you to ask me what I needed, but there was only silence.

I slowly opened my eyes and saw you looking right back at me. A stab of pain resonated in my eye sharply.

"How did you know about…" I drifted off, a lump in my throat rising.

"Why do you care?"

_Because no one knows about holding her-not even Harry. _

"Never mind." I fell back and let my eyes shut again. I heard you walk away.

**OOO**

The second time that I woke up, I felt sluggish and heavy. As I was sitting up, I glanced around for you and found you nowhere. Then, in the corner of my eyes, I saw you. Lying on your side, eyes fluttering gently, you were fast asleep.

I inhaled sharply. This closeness was so intimate, so foreign. I imagined you watching me sleep, waking up during the night and sensing me there. Had your heat warmed me?

You must have sensed my distress, because you stirred. Your eyes opened and shut again and again, until you saw me staring and smiled a bit.

"You look better."

And there you were again-the unfamiliar, overly nice man who I didn't understand at all.

"I guess." I mumbled.

"Did you sleep well?"

"To be honest, I didn't know that I slept at all. It all sort of feels…fuzzy."

"You'll be fine." You yawned and then sat up.  
>As if discovering for the first time where you were, you moved sharply and got out of bed.<p>

"I'm going to shower. Will you be ok?" You asked. I nodded. "Try to sleep more." You urged.

"Hey, uhm…thanks. For, you know…taking care of me."

You smiled a bit and turned away.

"And I'm sorry." I whispered as the door shut behind you.

**OOO**

"I need a haircut."

"Get a haircut."  
>"Can you turn off the television?" You grabbed the remote from my hand and faced me. "I'm serious."<p>

"And so am I."

"So, will you?"

My heart skipped a beat. Were you asking what I think you were asking?

"I am _not_ cutting your hair, Malfoy."

You rolled your eyes and walked away from me.

"Cut my hair or I'll throw the remote over the balcony."

I narrowed my eyes and gave my best glare.

"You wouldn't…"

You gave a small smirk and walked into the bathroom. With a heavy sigh, I stomped in behind you and gasped. You had set up a small area for me to work in, complete with shaving materials and scissors. A chair faced the sink, and shampoo and conditioner bottles lined the wall near the mirror.

I watched as you pulled your shirt over your head and dropped it to the floor. For a second I forgot what we were doing and gasped. It felt like I had swallowed the wrong way, or stubbed my toe first thing in the morning.

You had let the hair on your chest grow out a bit and it was light from the sun. Small freckles covered your otherwise fair skin, slightly golden in hue. My eyes traveled up to yours quickly and I gulped. A perfectly manicured hand grabbed my arm and steered me in front of you.

"I want it all off."

"What?" I squeaked. "All of it?"

"Buzz it, Granger."

I looked at your hair, and though it was a bit grown out, it was still very beautiful. I admired the color, which was so close to the freshly husked corn my family loved to peel in the summertime. It brought the blue out in your otherwise cold eyes.

"Ok." I finally said. How hard could it be?

You sat down on the chair and closed your eyes. I had no idea where to start. I had only ever cut Harry's hair before, and it wasn't exactly prize results.

Deciding to just go for it, I grabbed the electric razor. I turned it on and listened to the loud whirring fill the room. I saw your grip on the armchair tighten as I moved it closer to your head. I took a deep breath and pushed it through your hair.

Light clumps fell to the floor, tiny bits sticking to your face as they tumbled down. You didn't move an inch. Neither of us was so much as breathing wrong.

I brushed off remaining clumps and looked at the damage. To be honest, it wasn't bad. You had a nice head, as far as I could tell, and I hadn't gone too deep in my shaving.

I continued with another strip, and then another, moving as carefully as I could.

Why did you want this? As long as I had known you, the light blond hair had been your identity. Now it was gone, on the floor of a hotel that you were sharing with a Mudblood.  
>I swallowed, a bit too hard, and finished the last bit of buzzing. Quickly, before you could ask to see, I started to wash your hair-or what was left, anyway. Soft suds rose between my fingers, and I washed it off with lukewarm water from the sink. I thought I heard you groan, and I flinched. Was I that awful? Could you barely stand me being this close?<p>

"Done."

And that one word was so hard to get out. I could barely look at you, in fear that I had screwed you up as badly as I was.

"Jesus." I heard you say.

I turned and you were facing yourself in the mirror. With appreciative eyes, you swept your hands over the short, but not too closely cropped, fuzz that covered your head.

I let myself see you through a less horrified glance. You looked…attractive. Your eyes were larger, brighter, your cheekbones more defined.

"Thank you." You said, facing me now. I shrugged. "You did a good job."

"I-yeah. You're welcome." After some uncomfortable silence, I bit. "Malfoy?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you want me to cut your hair? Surely you can afford a haircut somewhere nice."

You smiled and moved a bit closer to me.

"I had to test you."

"Test me?" I fumbled as I took a step away.

"I had to see how close you can be to me without…freaking out again."

"Why do you-"

The next thing I knew, you were close, too close, and my breathing became shallow. My throat closed up and I couldn't tell if the heat in my chest was normal, or if maybe I should lie down again.

"It wasn't so bad, was it?"

"N-no. But, I-"

"In fact, I think you could handle a bit closer."

"Malfoy, stop-"

Before I knew it, before I could step back, or hide myself in a dark place, you pressed your lips onto mine, and the heat was everywhere, engulfing me and swallowing me whole.

"What are you doing?" I shrieked, pulling away.

You looked frustrated, like you had expected a different response.

"Can't you see, Granger? It's all for you. All of this, everything I do…it's always for you."

Part of me wanted to ask you what you meant by that, but a larger part of me, one that I was terrified of, wanted something worse. I wanted your lips again. I wanted the closeness, the fresh, warm breath on my cheek and neck, your hands in my hair.

And that part of me was a terrible thing, a betrayal at best. I turned from you and ran out the door. I couldn't come back.

* * *

><p><em>AN: I'm sorry, I really am! I just bought a puppy and he keeps me up all night and busy all day. That, and I work 40-50 hours a week. I'm trying to upload as fast as I can, but time is a little crunched these days. I'll get better!_


	6. Chapter 6

I surprised myself with the destination I ended up on. Salty waves broke over my feet, the tide high in the night. What had once been a terrifying monster, swallowing me whole and leaving me empty, was now filling me up. Every new crash was a breath that I dragged into my hollow chest; as it washed away, so did I.

I thought of you, and it made me scared. The reasonable part of me knew that I had to head back eventually, but the new part of me-the one that I was not familiar with, couldn't bear facing you.

How could you kiss me? What did it mean?

My back started to hurt, and my joints were stiff from holding still. I let myself fall back and the sand molded itself to my form. Closing my eyes, I gripped the sand in my fingers like it was a blanket I clutched in the night.

And then you were there. Don't ask me how I knew that it was you without even looking, but the crunching of sand beneath feet was distinctly yours.

"I'm sorry." You said.

It was like my worst nightmare. The one where I was being chased, and I tried to scream but nothing came out. I wanted to tell you to leave me alone, to fuck off, but my throat was as closed as a flower in winter.

And you took my silence to mean that you could stay. I heard you lay down next to me, and the most peculiar thing happened. My body shifted and the scent of your body was beneath my nose. I opened my eyes then and saw that my ear was pressed to your chest, my arm draped over your stomach. What was I doing? I couldn't explain it.

My throat opened up, the words that came out were beyond my control.

"I forgive you." I whispered.

_Traitor!_ I screamed internally. _Gutter whore!_

"I didn't mean to scare you off. I forget sometimes how…fragile you are."

I bristled at that, my body heating up.

"I'm not fragile." I stated firmly.

"No." you paused. "You're sad though."

But there was more to it than that. More than you'd ever know or understand. I wasn't just sad…I was broken. The best part of me was gone and would never come back, and how could I possibly try and fill that hole? Where would I even begin?

So I shut my eyes. I closed my heart for the night, flicking off the lights and fell asleep.

**OOO**

When I woke up it was in a bed. The hotel bed, to be more specific. I wondered briefly how I got there, until I saw you asleep next to me. I waited for the anger and confusion over you being so close to me, but it didn't come.

I felt comforted by your presence. I couldn't explain that anymore than I could try to explain my emptiness. But there it was.

As I sat up, sand spilled from my hair. I raised my hand to brush some away, and saw that my arms and hands were covered in a light dusting of it.

Quietly as I could, I sat up and got out of bed. I looked back to make sure that you were still sleeping, before I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. When the water was lukewarm, I stepped in, not even bothering to take off my clothes. Sand mixed on the bottom of the tub, turning the water dirty brown, little bits of sand standing out near my feet.

I thought about the previous night, my eyes closing to the sound of your heart against the ocean waves, and I felt a tiny ache in my chest. It was unfamiliar to me, but I imagined you in the next room, opening your eyes and seeing I wasn't there. The ache grew more, and I decided it had to be because of my clothes. They were heavy with water, and I pulled them off, throwing them on the floor outside of the tub.

But the ache remained, and the water was too cold now. I shivered in the icy rain, crouching down and pulling my legs to my chest.

I knew now what I didn't want to admit to myself. Feelings had grown, despite my best efforts not to let them. I could either continue to shove them aside, or I could let them take over.

With a firm resolution in my chest, I turned off the water and stepped out. Wrapping a towel around my body, I envisioned you beyond the door and the words I knew I had to say formed in my mouth, knocking at my teeth.

Then the door flew open.

"Granger."

The use of my last name threw me off. My mouth popped open as I tried to compose myself.

"Malfoy! I-uh, well. The thing is-"

"Spare me the stuttering. We need to go. Get dressed?"

I pulled the towel tighter.

"Dressed? Go?"

"I've found one, Granger."

"One?" My mind was still blank. What was it I needed to say? Oh, right. "Malfoy, wait. I need to say something. I-"

"A Death Eater's home, Granger. I found it."

**OOO**

The soft khaki material stuck to my skin in the heat. I blessed you for picking out shorts that were thin enough I just barely didn't expire in. My arms picked up rays of sun and beads of sweat collected behind my knees.

"Where is this home?" I asked again.

But you remained silent. You had been almost mute the entire morning, so much that I was afraid it was my fault. Did you no longer care? Maybe you never had.

I cursed myself for being like this when there were more important things at hand. I focused my mind on following you and being silent.

The journey was long, and after a taxi ride across the bridge, I caved again.

"Can't you tell me _anything?"_

You sighed and cracked your fingers.

"Yes, fine. If you must know, I had a dream about this."

"A dream?" I frowned. "We're following a dream?"

"Don't say it like that, Granger."

I was silent, pondering the severity of what you were saying. How on earth could we be going somewhere simply based on a dream, when clearly you knew the specific way to get there? It just didn't make sense.

"Did you dream the address then?" I didn't mean to sound so sarcastic, but the question bit out of me unknowingly.

You just smiled and said nothing. We continued to drive in silence, one that I found unsettling. The taxi finally pulled up and stopped at a low brick house, with an elegant white fence going around the front.

Without another word, you paid the driver and got out. The door slammed loudly and I winced. What were you doing? You couldn't just walk into a Death Eater's home, surely you knew that.

But you were taking long strides, sure and confident ones. My heart slammed in my throat as I raced to catch up to you.

"Malfoy." I hissed. "Malfoy _please."_

You stopped suddenly and looked down at me.

"Granger." You sighed. "Can you just trust me?"

I huffed for a moment and then took a step back. This wasn't how I planned on spending my day at all and to be honest, I was a bit put out.

"No." You looked shocked, which gave me a bit of pleasure. "I want to know what's going on. You can't just _walk in_, Malfoy. We could be killed!"

"No one's home." You said simply.

"How could you possibly know that?" You started to answer and I interrupted. "No, let me guess. You dreamed it?"

"Yes."

"Right. Perfect. And if this is just an old lady's home and we walk in-"  
>"It's not."<p>

And you started walking again. From behind I watched you spell the door open and then the door shut behind you as you walked in. My heart was beating so fast I could hardly take it. But I knew you were somewhere behind that door, and for a moment it was the beginning of the day again. I wouldn't leave you alone. It was as simple as that. We were a team. So I followed you inside.

It was cool and bright in the home. There were many windows, framed with lace curtains and tasteful wind chimes that clattered in the wind.

"Malfoy?" I whispered. When I confirmed that no one was home, I called a bit louder.

"In here." You replied and I followed the voice.

I found you shifting through papers on a desk in a room full of books.

"Granger, come look at this."

You handed me a paper. I looked it over and then glanced up.

"Holy shit."

**OOO**

"Make sure everything goes exactly where it was before." You told me.

Your eyes were vibrant in the light of the sun. You looked so…alive, full of the information we had just discovered. In your hands were copies of papers giving locations for Death Eater's around the world, as well as conversations transcribing between the people who lived here and other followers.

After everything had been placed back correctly, you came over and gripped my arm. Before I could protest, we were sucking through time and space, arriving at the hotel.

"You could have warned me." I gasped.

"Someone was coming. We didn't have time."  
>With that, I burned inside. Even if today had been a great day in terms of progress, this was all too confusing for me. How the hell did you "dream" of someone's home? And how could you possibly know someone was on his or her way?<p>

"Tell me what's going on Malfoy. Or I'm leaving."

"There's the door." You said without a pause.

The ache in my chest returned. This was the Malfoy I knew and hated, but I didn't want him. I wanted you: the guy who gave me an apple in a time when fruit was scarce.

Tears bit at my eyes and with a stinging resolve, I started walking.

"Granger, wait."  
>I froze.<p>

"It's Hermione." I said without turning. "Since when do you call me Granger again?"

"You never call me Draco, and that's _my_ name."

I sighed and turned to face you. No expression crossed your face, no emotion came out from your body.

"Right. Well, I mean…everyone calls you that."

"Stop." You frowned, rubbing your forehead with those long fingers of yours.

It was quiet for a moment and then you motioned to the bed.

"I didn't dream the location, Granger. I've been working while you sleep."

I gasped and stood again.

"What?"

"Before you get upset, listen to me."

"No. You listen. I thought we were a team!"

"We _are._"

"Then why have you been taking me away from _my_ research every day, and then working while I'm asleep and can't help you?"

"It's like I tried to tell you before, Gran-Hermione. This is all for you."

"What does that even mean?" I cried, exasperated. It was like we kept going in circles, the same arguments repeating themselves over and over.

"It means I can't stand to see you pushing yourself this hard. Not after what happened to you. I just…wanted to give you a break."

"I don't need a break!" tears sprung in my eyes again and I feared I wouldn't be able to hold them much longer. "I need this war to be over!"

And then I did cry, much to my embarrassment. You were there instantly, wrapping your arms around me. I tried to shove you away, but you pulled tighter.

"Stop!" I sobbed. "Why do you even care?"

"I love you." You said.

And the world went black.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I told you I'd be quick! Anyway, I hope you guys like the little switcheroo I made in this chapter. And as always, reviews are appreciated. It's the only reward I get for writing this. **


	7. Chapter 7

There was a brief moment after I opened my eyes when I thought that I was back home. I felt the wind on my shoulders and imagined my Mum downstairs making waffles.

She made amazing waffles, dripping with butter and syrup, the smell of them being cooked fresh in the air. I used to imagine it would seep into my clothes and follow me out into the bitter rain of London-a bright spot in the haze.

But my eyes blinked wearily and I saw the white washed walls of the hotel-our hotel. I wanted to cry; and then I smelled coffee. Freshly brewed, from the hint of dark beans.

"Morning, sleeping beauty."

I sat up, nearly dislodging the cup of coffee from your hands, spilling a couple of splatters onto the bed sheets.

"Christ, Malfoy. Give me a moment."

You set the cup on the table near the bed and smiled weakly.

"Listen. About yesterday-"

And it rushed back to me. The sneaking behind my back, the lying and excluding and hiding…telling me you loved me. It stung, like a brick being bashed into the back of my head, and the ache spread through my chest. Suddenly, that coffee seemed a lot more necessary.

I picked it up and took a deep gulp. The burn of the liquid sank into my stomach. I felt…exhausted.

"What you did," I interrupted. "Was not ok."

You tried to protest, but I held a hand up, silencing you.

"You made me believe that we were a team. I _trusted _you. And the whole time you were making me eat ice cream and play in the ocean while you fucking saved the world, or whatever it is you're trying to do here."  
>"I'm not trying to save the world. I'm trying to save <em>you<em>."

Coffee. I needed more coffee.

"I just don't…" I took a deep, shuddering breath. "Understand." I splayed my hands out, feeling hopeless. "Please help me. Explain."

You moved closer and put your hands on either side of my face. I wanted to pull away, but the warmth of your hands silenced the screaming headache that was threatening to split me open.

"I couldn't make much sense of it myself, when it all began." You shook your head, a small smile forming at the corner of your lips. "And to be honest, all I know for sure is that it happened. It's real."

"What's real?" The crease between my eyes deepened with my confusion.

"What I feel for you. The love that I feel for you."

I tried to pull away from your hands, but you gripped tighter.

"Stop! Malfoy, I-"

"You stop, Hermione. Stop pulling away, passing out, or denying it. I know-"

"Know what? I don't love you Malfoy."

"Not yet. But you will."

"How dare-"

Your lips were on my lips, and my body liquefied. Would you ever stop having this effect on me? Could I ever deny you when you kept doing this to me?

After a moment, you pulled away, my body giving an unwilling hum of disappointment.

"See?" You smiled that stupid grin of yours. I wanted to punch you-or kiss you. Both.

Your hands dropped from my face.

"I don't want this."  
>You snorted. My face whipped around to yours and I glared sullenly at you.<p>

"I didn't exactly plan on this, Hermione. You don't exactly choose who you fall for."

The words bit at me, teeth snapping with the truth.

"Just," I gripped the sheets in my hands. "I want to stop time sometimes, you know? Because none of this makes sense and if I just had a little more time, I know I could-"

"You can't, though. The only time you have is now. So trust me when I say that I was horrible to you, for a long time, and I regret that. But all I can do now is try and make the world a better place for you."

I breathed too hard and looked down. My face felt like it was on fire, and try as I might, I couldn't seem to stop the feeling in the back of the throat that ached for you.

So, I took your advice. I pulled you closer and kissed you, my lips bruised against yours in a desperate motion. And when we broke apart, I placed my mouth against your ear, which reminded me of a seashell.

"_You can hear the ocean in these things." Ginny screamed from across the waves. "We can take it with us. We can take this all with us!"_

_And then when she was gone, there it was, in her pocket. The intricate conch shell that she carried with her everywhere, a memory of a good day in better times. _

_I vowed to never go to the ocean again, to hold what we had the one day far away from myself._

"What now?" I whispered. And I waited.

**OOO**

And what happened next was that I got to see Harry again. And Ron. And I got to hand over the conversations, the list, and the papers.

Harry's tired eyes lit up as he scrolled through, seeing what we had seen, the bits and pieces collecting together like a puzzle.

"Hermione? Can you hear me?"

The world snapped back into focus. Harry was looking at me, a grin split across his exhausted cheeks. He was shaking some papers at me, laughing. When was the last time that I had seen him laugh?

"It's over, Hermione. It's finally going to be over."

**OOO**

It was the first night that I would be spending alone in a long time. I waited for your soft snores in the background, but they didn't come. All that was playing in the background was soft noise, a light thrum of the city behind the walls, and creaking floorboards straining under our secrets.

I couldn't sleep. My lids were heavy with the plans we had spent hours before planning out. And though I knew the next month was going to be hectic, though I knew that this might very well be the last night I had alive, dreams wouldn't come. The heavy lid of sleep didn't press upon me.

The door creaked and my heart stuttered. And then, like I had dreamed you, your body fell down next to mine. Just yesterday I would have shoved you off, screamed or kicked and fought at this unexpected presence.

Now, I needed it.

"I'm scared." I whispered.

You were silent. I thought, maybe, that you were asleep, but then you coughed quietly.

"I am too." You admitted.

And then it all seemed too personal. We didn't know each other, not really. How could I expect you to be here, to help me, to understand, when I didn't understand myself?

Just when I was about to ask you to leave, you sighed into my ear and pulled me close. I had always heard that spooning was sweet, romantic even. But I hadn't expected it to be healing.

It was like we completed each other.

My small frame was completely enveloped by your lanky one. Your hands, with those long fingers, pressed into my lower abdomen and your thumb grazed my belly button.

"What if we fail, Malfoy?"

"We won't."

"And how can you be so sure?" Panic rose in my throat, grazed my tongue and left me speechless.

"Because I'm going to keep you safe. No matter what."

I wanted to say how ludicrous this was, that there was no way he could protect me against what we were up against. Instead, one word drifted out.

"Why?"

"Because I want an after."

And then sleep came.

**OOO**

I woke up tangled in your limbs. An arm casually draped across my belly, a hand in my hair. I didn't move for as long as I could, the steady inhale-exhale of your body strangely peaceful.

"Mmm." You mumbled as your eyes finally opened.

"Morning sleeping beauty." I teased, remembering a previous morning between us not so long ago.

"How long have you been up?" You asked.

"Long enough." I shrugged.

In a matter of seconds you tumbled onto me, your weight pressing me into the bed.

"Stop." I groaned, unable to stifle a laugh. I was suddenly acutely aware of the others in the house. How would I explain this to Harry? To Ron?

"I know saving all wizarding-kind is important, but I wish I could stay here. I love-"

I pressed my lips over your mouth. I liked what we had, this small arrangement of limbs and parts. I wouldn't let you ruin it with false illusions of love.

I felt you smile into the kiss.

"One day you'll say it back."

And for a second I let my guard down and accepted the fact that it might be true, and if you really loved me as much as you said you did, how could that be bad?

* * *

><p><strong>AN : Hi, all! Sorry about the gap in updating. My muse and I had a bit of a fight, but it should be ok now. Don't forget to review!**


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